16th June Autistic Pride Day

Children

Often, one of the initial indications that a child might be Autistic is the distinct development of their language and social skills compared to typically developing children. When it comes to socialising and communicating, an Autistic child may:

1. Enjoy solitary play as much as (or more than) playing with others;
2. Engage in play that may seem unusual, such as lining up toys, categorising toys, or examining various aspects of toys;
3. Seek friends with similar interests, regardless of age differences;
4. Require accommodations for verbal communication, or use speech less frequently or fluently than other children. This is referred to as “expressive language”;
5. Favour highly structured social interactions, like gaming;
6. Need additional time for processing speech, known as “receptive language”;
7. Exhibit frequent echolalia, which involves the repetition or “echoing” of phrases or words;
8. Display atypical social interest, which might include avoiding eye contact or pointing to draw attention;
9. Employ stimming behaviours, like flapping, jumping, or spinning, to convey emotions and communicate, such as “happy flapping” to express joy.

This list is not exhaustive, and each child’s developmental journey is unique. Their experience will differ from those of other Autistic and non-Autistic children.

These variations in Autistic children’s socialising and communication are neither “good” nor “bad”; they simply represent Autistic ways of engaging with the world and others. Autistic children do not lack “social skills”; they may lack non-Autistic social skills and instead demonstrate innate, Autistic social skills.

Adults

Autistic adults often exhibit non-traditional communication styles, both in expressing themselves and in receiving and interpreting communication. In terms of socialising and communicating, an Autistic adult may:

1. Favour honest, literal, and straightforward language and messages, focusing on profound subjects rather than superficial “small talk”;
2. Enjoy “infodumping” or sharing detailed information on a passion or area of expertise;
3. Display unconventional body language, such as atypical eye contact, body positioning, and gestures;
4. Prefer highly structured social interactions, such as online gaming;
5. Develop meaningful online friendships, often more than in-person connections;
6. Employ echolalia, which involves repeating or “echoing” phrases or words, like quoting TV shows, song lyrics, or memes;
7. Rely heavily on pre-prepared scripts or messages to conform to expectations and minimise potential misunderstandings;
8. Use alternative methods of communication, including gestures, sign language, or Alternative and Augmentative Communication (AAC), which can range from high-tech devices like iPad apps to low-tech tools like picture boards;
9. Seek friends with similar interests, values, and communication styles, regardless of age differences;
10. Feel more at ease around other Autistic or neurodivergent individuals.

These differences may not be apparent in all Autistic adults you encounter, as many have learned to “mask” or camouflage their innate Autistic social skills over time. Masking, whether conscious or unconscious, is often a survival mechanism to increase the chances of feeling safe and included. However, masking can take a significant mental health toll on the Autistic person.

The distinctions in how Autistic adults socialise and communicate are neither “good” nor “bad”; they simply represent Autistic ways of engaging with the world and others. Autistic adults do not lack “social skills”; they may lack non-Autistic social skills and instead exhibit natural, Autistic social skills.